black_bunny_v

Basic human impluses?

Thu, 30 Aug 2007 14:01:50 GMT

I was 21 I believe, riding the train from Islington to Kipling. Day dreaming of course. Imagining my future perfect house. Victorian style. Wrap around deck. Having my Dad live with me. The friends who would visit for BBQ's. The theme's for each room.

Then a heard a baby crying on the train.

I looked at the mother and child and relaized something:
Never in any of my plans for the future had I included a husband and childern. I hadn't been excluding them. I simply never thought of putting them in. Like finding puzzle pieces in your box that belong to another puzzel.
I'm nearly 25 now. My plans still don't involve a man and childern. Again, I don't think I'm purposely excluding them. I don't know how to put them in.
I've never had a boyfriend. Been on a handful of dates as a teen and wasn't impressed with the hand holding, arm extending, phones calls every night... etc.
I like kids, and the male buttocks is a fine and beautifull thing to stare at. But...If wanting those things was hardwired into my genes as they seem to be for most other humans...why haven't I made any efford to attain them? Most people want at least one of the two...companionship or childern...or both. What is wrong with the person who doesn't even think about it?
Is that the lonely hole I feel sometimes? I don't know if it is. It's been there since I lost my Dad.
I have no freak'in clue how to fill it. Or even if it can be.
Why don't I even think about those things? Those basic human impluses?
Every time someone says "You don't have boyfriend?! Why not?" It reminds me, because I keep forgetting that I don't have one. And that most people are looking for that someone speical. And I never have.

All my close friends, save one, are paired off. I worry that when balancing babies and careers become their life vocuses I'll see them less and less. They'll hang out with their other married friends who they can share their values and expierences with.

So why the hell don't a share this value????

rolling rolling rolling

Tue, 14 Aug 2007 18:44:58 GMT

Hello folks

Been a while hasn't it? I've got a new parody for your horror :

I love my job.

CCR - Proud Mary : Jennine's - Crazy employee

Left a good job in the Union
Workin' with a mop every night and day,
And I never lost a minute of sleepin'
Worryin' 'bout the way I swung that thing.

Pay cheques keep on comin'
Crazy employee keep on workin'
Ridin', ridin', ridin' the subway.

Cleaned a lot of toliets in stations,
Pressure-washed stairs down to the end,
But I never felt the stress of the commission,
'Til I caught a job on the other side of things.

Pay cheques keep on comin'
Crazy employee keep on workin'
Ridin', ridin', ridin' the subway.

Ridin', ridin', ridin' the subway.

If you come over to managment,
Bet you gonna find some people who stress.
You don't have to worry, 'cause you're goin' crazy,
People in managment know how you feel.

Pay cheques keep on comin'
Crazy employee keep on workin'
Ridin', ridin', ridin' the subway.

reflections

Tue, 03 Jul 2007 22:56:15 GMT

Sometimes I wounder if life would be less...complicated if our socal vaules where still in the pre-60s.
I'd be married to some man by now, and likely with a couple childern under my belt.
I may not have had much choice in the man. Or living arragments. But I'd have less descisions to make. Less responsibilites on my shoulders.
My obligations set into a daily routine: Feed, clean and care for family. Would I be any happier? Would I be miserable? Would I be poundering life with responsiblities in a locked jounrnal under my pillow?
Any Feminist would hold up their head and howl at the 'backwards' thinking. But sometimes...When the stress of being an independant person is grinding on me... I wish they had just shut up and cleaned their kitchens and left their views in the closet.

Growing years

Sat, 23 Jun 2007 23:11:27 GMT

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ED, may the breakdust fall apon you. :)

SUN

Fri, 22 Jun 2007 09:45:10 GMT

We're here for a good time.
Not a long time.
So have a good time.
The sun can't shine everday.
But...the sun is shin'en, on this crazy city.
The sun is shining, isn't it pretty.

The many faces of humanity

Wed, 06 Jun 2007 18:17:55 GMT

People are a differse lot when it comes to personaility....the good, the decent, the lazy, the bad and the lieing bags of human waste. It's amazing how my work has them all! Even more so how I manage to come across all of the latter...yeah for me.
But on a high note! I got a cake! yipppy for the good!

MUWHAHAHA. Bring on the parodys

Thu, 24 May 2007 17:04:13 GMT

You're on Ed! "Bad Moon Rising" - "Sick day takin'"

I see a bright sun rising.
I see good times on the way.
I see beer and cirgratte litin'.
I see a sick day today.

Don't go to work tonight
It's gonna ruin your life.
There's 5 sick days to take.

I hear my phone a ringing.
I know it's the office callin' me.
I fear Foremen's gettin' suspicous.
I hear my favorit tv tune.

Don't go to work tonight.
It's gonna ruin your life.
There's 5 sick days to take.
All right!

Hope you got your note ready.
Hope you not pullin' my leg.
Looks like you're feelin' mighty better.
Wish I could have a job like that.

Don't go to work tonight.
It's gonna ruin your life.
There's 5 sick days to take.

Don't go to work tonight.
It's gonna ruin your life.
There's 5 sick days to take.

Classic Summer

Thu, 24 May 2007 13:21:09 GMT

The music for the summer has been uncovered! CCR! Creedence Clearwater Revival. I'm gonna be chill'in to the tunes of "Lookin' out my backdoor", "I heard it through the grape vine", "Bad moon rising", "Proud Mary", "Travelln' band" and "I put a spell on you". I encourage you all to mellow out with me.

oh yeah baby

fresh start

Sun, 06 May 2007 03:36:05 GMT

HI everybody

I love my work, I really do. But the new job has been heck and a half. The stress, the worry, the lost hours of sleep. I'm starting to get the hang of it. Starting to feel better about it. I've had some days that....oh boy....shall not be looked back on with cheer.
So, deep breath. This is a time of change for me. becoming a...dare I say it...grown up. HAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.. *cough* hahahahaha...ha
ANYWHO, the good news. I'VE GOT BUNNIES! thats right! I knew I needed a distraction from the stress of work...so BUNNY LOV'IN SEEMED THE ANSWER. I went to the Toronto Humane Society downtown and meet two bounded 2 year old Rabbits. They came as a set. Both are fixed. A male and a female. Poor guy, keeps trying to get it on.
the names are as yet undecided. I shall keep you all updated!

Sat, 05 May 2007 06:41:13 GMT

.....................i don't know anymore....................

A Transit Tale

Mon, 12 Mar 2007 17:37:38 GMT

Once upon a time there was a Janitor
She worked Night Shift
She was at a station far, far in the north end of the city
One day, some cocky teenagers came into her station before closing
They demanded the Janitor let them into the washrooms
The washrooms were closed due to their putrid condition
The Janitor said (in a polite tone) "Sorry they're closed for the night."
Said the vile younge poeple to the polite Janitor: "We'll piss on the floor, bitch."
Then the Janitor killed them all in horrible horrible ways
And there was much rejoicing...YEAH

There is no end

sooo much

Fri, 09 Mar 2007 16:01:18 GMT

So much has happened since my last post that I hardly know where to begin. But somethings must remain unsaid (well, untyped) as news on the matter is pending and I don't want to share till I know....muwhahahaha the suspence! But what can be said is that I'm now on Night Shift, thats 12am to 8:30am. And I find (as of day 3) it's not so bad. I can sleep during the day. And the patron free hours during the night are rather nice. Now if only I could lite a fire under my partner's ass... They work hard with the machines during the non-service hours, but I don't get this refusal to work during service hours that some of the Servicepersons (night janitors) have. Whats wrong with a little spillage duty? hmmmm? Or maybe some policing? For pity sake your still being paid for the other half of the shift! DO SOMETHING! And damn well don't tell me to NOT do something!
"I don't wanna play,
I just wanna clean my station all day!"

eeeeeegad

Fri, 23 Feb 2007 18:17:03 GMT

OKay, so at frist when I was laidoff I made a list of things I was going to do to keep busy. Things that needed doing but I wasn't finding the time or motivatoin while working...these things; cleaning out storage cloest, scrubbing down bathroom, getting all those little dust balls hiding behind shevles, etc,.....never really got to any of it. So today I'm gonna make a mad dash to try and actually do it! Prayer for my soul!

check up

Wed, 21 Feb 2007 19:41:10 GMT

MEGAN how did your interview go?
SELENA & JAS where are you? You no posty recently!

Spring feelings

Tue, 20 Feb 2007 17:30:11 GMT

As promised the moody posts have stopped! Today I filled out the paperwork for my return to work. I've gone through this ritual 6 times in the past 5 years (this time being the 7th) The frist 5 times has been during early-mid spring (the 6th time was in October, but the weather was sweet). So now as I sit here I'm filled with the same springy feeling. Fresh, Crisp, Beginnings, Pastel colours. I had a new picture taken for my badge today. My 19 year old self (my frist and till now only ttc picture) just doesn't look much like me anymore. I'm very far from the person she was. Not that she wasn't a great person and all, but I've grown up a fair amount. With horror I think about how even more expirenced I'll be when I take my next TTC picture in 5 years at the age of 29. eeeeeek 29....thats like, old.

LIFE RENEWED

Mon, 19 Feb 2007 19:21:28 GMT

I've been called back to work! Come Monday life brightens! YIPPPPY! Back to Jaitors! I'm gonna sweep that floor, gonna make it shine. And if I'm back then it won't be long till my fellow disheartened employees also make their triuphet return! Everything will return to normal. Nice...insane normalancy. And best of all, all my moody posts will stop!
*DANCING*

Now I can enjoy my time off at last.

Flop away!

Fri, 16 Feb 2007 18:56:02 GMT

I like making snow angels. Yes I'm 24, but rolling around in the snow - getting cold and wet - shouldn't have an age limit! Lying on your back on a snow bank, staring up at the blue sky, with puffs of cloudes in the distance blowing the occasional snow flake your way, just plain heart warming. Even in the freezing cold! And being the mature adult that I am, when I got home I put my cloths on a hanger above the bath tub to drip dry. So next time your walking through some deep snow, and you think "Damn,I'm too old to flop in it! People will frown." or think that you need the excuse of having kids to do so, just remember this post! And flop away my friends! Flop away!

A warning!

Wed, 14 Feb 2007 19:14:50 GMT

ATTENTION: Guard your pin number when you use your debit card! Make sure no one else knows your pin! And keep a close eye on your account for any odd activity. And know that even when you take all the safety procaustions something can happen! Case in point; some bastard withdrawing almost a grand from one of my accounts on Monday! Overdrawing my account in the process!!! Thankfully my Bank was watching the area the bastard did the deed in closely, and tagged the activity on my account. Not a great call to get on Valentines day. But the lost funds will be credited to my account. And my other account was untouched, thank the gods. SO WATCH YOUR ACCOUNTS CLOSELY!
People suck, they're damn lucky I'm as bouncy as I am! *grummbles* Time to get chocolate, lots and lots of it!

confirmation

Mon, 12 Feb 2007 17:50:42 GMT

HEAR YE HEAR YE. I, Jennine, should not be allowed to be within arms reach of electronics! Not only did I mess up my own computer many many times, till it finially died. But I have somehow manage to @#%$ the one I'm borrowing! AND I don't even understand how it happened. The internet has been very slow the past week (4plus minutes to open a page), I figured I'd empty the recycling bin (which didn't help the speed) so perhapes I have a virus. Theres a virus program on the computer but I wasn't sure if it was updated. So... I downloaded AVG anti-virus (which I've done before - no past problems) and the computer is now telling me that Explorer.exe cannot load and I must reinstall windows. But fear not friend who owns this computer and is on my friends list, and thus will be reading this. I'll fix it!
So here I sit at the internet cafe in my building....again.....and asking WHY?!! WHY WHY WHY!
*sigh*
If anyone knows a solution to this problem. Please call me at 416-530-7648.

Updates oh plenty

Sun, 11 Feb 2007 02:30:13 GMT

You'll never guess the amount of nothing I've been doing lately! Well, not really nothing. I've gone home to London, spent time with family. Been getting a lot of reading done. But the abesence of direction is what I mean by nothing. Being aimless doesn't suit me well. But I'll grin and bear it. Hopefully I'll be given back my purpose soon. Now on another point. Should I find it alarming that what I consider to be "purpose" is so directly tied up in something I (at least for now) have no control of. Purpose so wholly connected to something else (in this case a particular company- not a profession, but a work place)People say how they love other people, pets, famous art work, their profession, what about companies? Is it foolish to put all your eggs in one basket? And if so, do all my lj posts the past 2 months seem exactly the same?
If I was on a 'break' from a lover, instead of being laid off from work, people would tell me to stop moaning and waiting, and move on. But then many would say the passions invovled are totally different between lover and work, and can't be compared. And I can't compare them myself as I've never had a lover to be in love with. But love in any form, is a force to be reckoned with.

Frist Stain glass!!

Thu, 01 Feb 2007 01:47:49 GMT

Today my Grandfather began teaching me the fine art of Stain Glass! I know it seems like a plain old flower, but it has 3 different patterns of glass! It's 7 inches tall and took 5 hours of sweat and blood to create! (yup, real blood, cutting glass is dangerous!)
I'm soooo proud... speading time with my Grandfather was really nice.

http://seaofbloo.xerospace.com/fotos/jstainglass.jpg

Unfortunatly

Wed, 24 Jan 2007 17:53:59 GMT

Today on Cable Pulse 24 the topic of saying the Lords Prayer before council meetings in the Durmim region was hottly debated. The Catholic Priest, favouring the prayer before the meeting, raised his point saying (and I quote): "In Muslim countrys for example they have prayers before their events, unfortunatly it's to Allah, but the idea's the same...."
I was enraged to here him say "Unfortunatly". As if 'at least they try praying, even if they have it wrong!!'
And then he countinued saying that Canada is a Catholic country, founded on Christian principles and why should you come here if you don't believe in their faith? Or atleast stay out of the way of 'our' affairs if you don't. A slam against the rich diveristy of this country.
This says to me that here is a faith that for all it's fluff about being tolerant is still driven to it's core by it's belief that everyone else is simply wrong.
I'm sporry if this post offends anyone, and yes it's the words of one man, but you can't tell me it's not shared by many, I've sat in churches...it's UNFORTUNATLY shared.

Green eggs and ham

Tue, 23 Jan 2007 17:14:04 GMT

With too much spare time on my hands I've found myself conducting a life inventory. The good, the bad, and the as yet undecided how to rank. Because, heck, I'm only 24. I don't know how to appricated everything. I don't know the vaule of everything I have and have been through.
I've been something of a whinning brat over my lay off. In hindsight prehapes it is unwarrented. I mean, its the unfortunate norm in the Plant Dept. given the stupidity of Union rules. I'll be recalled after all. And I could get work else where easily enough. So really, I'm current maintaining my unemployed by my only choice. Which doesn't make me feel any better. But it does put things in prespective.
I could eat them in a boat.
I could eat them on a goat.
I could eat green eggs and ham.
But I refuse, for Jennine I am.

SOIS (save our insanity)

Mon, 22 Jan 2007 03:20:51 GMT

1 month and 6 days since I handed in my keys. I fear for my insanity. If anyone should notice my insanity slipping into sanity please let me know.

That is all.

Getting something off my chest

Sun, 21 Jan 2007 02:06:33 GMT

So, I've got lots of free time. As everyone likes reminding me. I have to mind my money. As everyone keeps telling me. I'm going to kill someone. As Chibi J9 has been encouraing me!
It's not that I don't appricate my friends and family members being concerned about my sitaution. But I certainly don't appricate people trying to sheppard me. The only person I've ever allow to take control or hamper my actions was my Dad. And I have no plans to expand that. Most people know that I'm something of a control freak. That I like being the provider. I am feircly indenpendant and hate...HATE when others around me try parenting me (by parenting I mean "providing" in the broad sense). It's like rubbing a cat the wrong way with a piece of rusty metal.
Example: I go out for lunch with my former Co-worker, and she trys paying for my meal. She's trying to do a nice thing. But I wouldn't be going out to lunch if I couldn't afford it on my own! I don't want anyone getting the impression that I came for a free lunch, and not for the company of someone I care about and miss.

Well, I almost feel better for having said that.